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Coronation Chicken ‘treasonous’

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Coronation Chicken has been ruled treasonous by the Queen.

In an unprecedented move, a statement from Buckingham Palace has confirmed that the Queen has used ancient powers to outlaw the sandwich filling.

“Henceforth, the sandwich filling commonly known as Coronation Chicken will be illegal in the United Kingdom – punishable by death,” the statement read.

“Any savoury dish that contains sultanas is an affront to decency, but to associate it with the good name of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is basically treason.

“Queen Elizabeth is considering reversing the decision if it is renamed ‘Prince Andrew Chicken’.

“Meanwhile, chutney remains legal but only if consumed with popadoms.

“The law comes into effect today and to mark the occasion we are pleased to unveil the brand new Royal Guillotine, which has been engineered by Sir James Dyson.”

The new state-of-the-art killing machine promises to bring public execution into the 21st century by offering unparalleled efficiency.

“This new guillotine can only be operated by the Queen, but we have developed an app that means she can do it from anywhere in the world – such as Singapore, where I patriotically moved my business for tax purposes.” Dyson said.

“We have also introduced an innovative bag-less head collection system, eliminating the need for the traditional messy baskets of yesteryear – it’s very exciting.”