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Richard Branson firing himself into space not as good as it sounds, warn experts


Following Sir Richard Branson’s claim that he could be launched into space within months on a Virgin Galactic flight, experts have warned that the public should not get their hopes up and that he would likely return to earth.

“It’s very unusual that a person would not eventually return from space” astronaut Tim Peake said.

“Historically these things only happen by accident as a result of catastrophic failure, but if the Virgin Rail franchise is anything to go by, I suppose there is a reasonable chance.

“I must stress that the likelihood of Sir Richard being blasted directly into the sun is very small, so I would urge the public to be realistic in their expectations.

“I’m afraid here’s a very real possibility that he’ll be dicking around in some contrived PR stunt within days of the flight.”

If Virgin were to launch commercial flights into space it would mean Branson would have beaten fellow entrepreneur Elon Musk in the race to market, but Musk himself remains unfazed by the latest developments.

“He says his company will be in space within weeks, but some people have waited that long for a train from Milton Keynes to Stockport, so I’m not shitting myself just yet,” Musk remarked.

“Plus, I bet the toilet won’t work, so you can bet there’ll be more than one turd floating around in space when Branson goes up.”