Home Science Horrific Boris-Clarkson splicing accident to blame for Rod Liddle, scientists confirm

Horrific Boris-Clarkson splicing accident to blame for Rod Liddle, scientists confirm

239
0

An experiment as part of a study into extreme bastardism ended in disaster as scientists accidentally unleashed Rod Liddle in the UK.

The mishap occurred when boffins at the Centre for Bullshit Control in Sidcup attempted to splice genes from monumental arsehole Jeremy Clarkson and bumbling twat Boris Johnson.

“An experiment to investigate the effects of utter bastards interacting with each other was undertaken in controlled laboratory conditions,” lab assistant Hameed O’Toole revealed.

“Unfortunately, we were unable to predict the levels of arseholery that would be produced by combining DNA from these two utter pricks.

“The reaction was extremely powerful, forcing us to evacuate and the resulting grotesque biomass quickly became self-aware and escaped the facility by slithering through the air filtration system.

“We actually assumed it had perished until we saw ‘Rod’ on Question Time being a massive cunt and it dawned on us what we had done.

“We can only be thankful that we weren’t experimenting with any Farage or Hopkins DNA.”

Physicist Professor Brian Cox lamented the closure of the project, saying: “History will judge us on our failure to invest in science.

“Government cuts forced the closure of this important study, which could have prevented the rise of Donald Trump and other bastards across the world by increasing our understanding of the condition of chronic bastardism.

“I was actually created in a lab when they spliced DNA from Professor Stephen Hawkins with some of The Beatles as part of a study into really nice, clever, talented guys.

“Now more than ever we must invest in this field, before it’s too late.”