The Labour Party has made a bold appeal to disillusioned Remainers, by claiming a vote for their Brexit-supporting party is the only way to defeat Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party in the EU elections.
“For people who want to remain in the EU, the choice is clear,” leader Jeremy Corbyn said.
“The only way to stop a massive victory for Farage’s toxic brand of Brexit is to vote for Labour who have clearly stated their position on the slim possibility of a second referendum, which I don’t personally support, but we may support if all other options are exhausted, including a general election, which may or may not happen, but if it does I’ve already been focusing on domestic issues so I’ll probably win and then I can get on with my fluffy and warm vision of Brexit that definitely will have no negative effects whatsoever and is basically just remaining anyway without any of the influence, so it will bring the country together because Brexiteers and Remainers will both love it equally and obviously that is great news going into the general election that I’m going to win if it happens, but if not then we will push for a second referendum or maybe a different Brexit if all other options have been exhausted including a general election, a cross-party consensus, offering a human sacrifice to the Mayan god Ek Chuaj, screaming into the yawning void of the uncaring universe, a séance, rock-paper-scissors…”
Remain supporters appear unconvinced by Labour’s latest pitch, with some suspecting a vote for Labour will once again be co-opted as a vote for Brexit.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHH!” one Labour Remainer told us.