Marcus Bottletop, the only sitting Conservative MP who was yet to announce they are running for leader, has bowed to peer-pressure, according to reports.
The MP for Blimford-Upon-Trume announced his leadership bid after it became clear he was the only one who hadn’t done so.
“I think it is only fair that the 100,000 hardcore Tories that get to decide this election should get to choose from the full suite of bastards,” Bottletop said.
“Choosing between Boris and Gove is a bit like deciding which virulent strain of super-herpes you’d like injected directly into your urethra, so I am happy to offer members another option.
“Of course, the could pick one of the other anonymous MPs who have entered the fray, but frankly even I don’t know who half of them are.”
Conservative member Gerrard Fontleturp was impressed with the line up of candidates.
“I’m glad we are getting a wide range of candidates right across the Conservative spectrum from utter shits to total arseholes,” he said.
“The famously cool and level-headed hardcore party membership will certainly make the right choice for the whole country.”