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‘Why won’t the centrist scum get behind our vision of unity?’ ask Labour supporters

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Labour supporters are wondering why voters toward the centre of the political spectrum, who have been consistently mocked and abused for not being left wing enough, refuse to get behind the party’s vision of hope and unity.

“It’s no real surprise that the centrist filth aren’t bright enough to understand what we are proposing, with their tiny brains and pathetic genitals,” Labour activist Barry Glover said.

“I have personally been appealing for their votes for years, by calling them scum and pointing out every instance in which they don’t behave exactly in line with our world view, but to no avail.

“We will, of course, be vetting all potential voters to ensure they have the necessary left-wing credentials – I mean, were they even on the Iraq march?”

Labour have also consistently rejected a left-wing alliance with parties like the Greens, making chances of a socialist government increasingly unlikely.

“The Greens are simply the wrong type of left-wing,” Glover continued,

“They are a bunch of weird hippies who need to join us in the real world and stop being such immature babies.

“It’s quite clear for any intelligent person to understand: Labour’s position is the only correct one on a subject at any given time, even if it changes over time – any deviation from the leadership’s line is unacceptable and must be rejected immediately.”