President of the United States, Donald Trump, is excited by the prospect of having urine thrown at him during his state visit to the United Kingdom, according to sources.
Mass protests have been organised around his visit, with some protesters suggesting they will launch traditional British piss missiles at the President – a prospect that he has privately expressed delight about.
“He’s pretending that he’s worried about the pee, but it’s blatant over-compensation,” a White House source claimed.
“Whenever someone walks past, he says ‘oh boy I hope I don’t get pee all over me and in my hair and eyes and mouth, that would be sooo awful’ but I don’t think anyone is buying it.
“We actually overheard him on the phone, saying how he usually has to pay extra for this sort of thing and he can’t believe his luck.
“He refused the offer of an umbrella to protect him but that may just be because he is incapable of operating one.”