In a last ditch bid to be selected in the final two candidates for leadership of the Conservative Party, Jeremy Hunt has appealed to his base with a pledge to implement drastic tax cuts for shop mannequins that have been possessed by an evil spirit.
“As somebody who has had to live their whole life as a satanic demon embodied in a stiff wooden approximation of a human being, I recognise the need for significant tax relief among this demographic,” Mr Hunt said.
“The cost of maintaining the artificial host body is staggering and meant even recently I could only afford to buy seven luxury flats.
“It’s not uncommon to have to replace a limb that has been damaged in an accident because the things are just so difficult to control – so the costs mount up.
“I am sure this minor adjustment to the way we are taxed will encourage entrepreneurship in the wider haunting industry.”
While it is unclear whether the move will be enough to secure him a spot in the final round of the contest, it’s believed it has already gained support from the likes of Jacob Rees-Mogg, Zac Goldsmith and Michael Fabricant.