Your next door neighbour is having sex and boy is she having a great time.
After a dry spell lasting many months, the woman whose name you haven’t bothered to learn brought home a man last night and really made up for lost time.
“I’m obviously happy for her, but I wish she’d keep it down – it’s like living next to the girl from The Exorcist,” local resident Fanny Pringle said.
“The houses along here aren’t exactly soundproof, so even as far down as number 78 they could hear her begging to be choked at 1am, the kinky bitch.
“I was hoping for a nice lie in today as well, but they were hammering away at each other again this morning like a couple of rutting walruses.
“I just hope she’s got it out of her system and we don’t make eye contact when I’m putting the bins out tonight.”
The woman was not available for comment.