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Elon Musk stunned after his ‘mind-reading’ NeuraLink technology reveals everyone thinks he’s a twat

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As human trails begin on his NeuraLink technology, which connects the human brain to a computer interface, founder Elon Musk is said to be have mixed feelings about the initial results.

Reports emerging from inside the laboratories suggest that the technology does indeed work, but the first thought that enters each participant’s mind is almost always about how much of a prick they think Musk is.

“It was really exciting when the first volunteer was connected up to the machine and we started getting an immediate data reading on the computers,” scientist Hameed O’Toole said.

“Unfortunately, when Elon began to celebrate, the AI vocal simulator activated and said ‘oh here he goes, the mad bastard’.

“It was directly broadcasting the private thoughts of the test subject and unfortunately it wasn’t an isolated incident – every time Elon was in the room, the computer would sigh and mutter some variation on the theme of him being an insufferable twat.

“Naturally we are pleased but Mr Musk was pretty upset, so perhaps some sort of filter might be something we need to roll out in phase two.”

Apart from the entrepreneur’s bruised ego, initial tests appear to have concluded safely, with all of the volunteers reporting good health and emotional wellbeing after the tests.

“I’m absolutely thrilled to have been one of the first humans to have their brain connected to a computer and also to have the opportunity to call Elon Musk a bell-end to his smug face,” volunteer Terence Lightfoot said.

“I mean, it was a total accident, but how often do you get to tell a billionaire that they are a massive penis? I feel like I’ve won the lottery!”