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Terrorists buoyed by Boris Johnson’s call for a can-do spirit towards Irish border

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Irish terrorists have welcomed Boris Johnson’s rallying cry for a can-do spirit when it comes to the Irish border and insist they will now be approaching the impending carnage with a positive mental attitude.

“We have been a bit deflated since the Good Friday Agreement to be honest, so this is exactly the kind of confidence boost we needed,” IRA militant Shane O’Killmany said.

“Say what you like about the man, but he’s completely right – with enough positive thinking we can cause absolute mayhem at the border when there’s a no deal Brexit.

“There’s literally nothing that could be put in place in a couple of months that we wouldn’t have an absolute field day with, because we really do believe in ourselves.

“No deal will actually be an unprecedented opportunity for the bomb-makers and gun smugglers of Northern Ireland to truly flourish in ways we haven’t seen in almost 30 years.”

Mr Johnson compared the Irish border issue to the moon 1969 landing, suggesting that if such a feat was possible 50 years ago, then we are capable of solving this particular problem today.

“It is time this country recovered it’s can-do attitude, that saw our great country put men on the moon with British technology and resources 50 years ago,” he said.

“There’s absolutely nothing that can’t be solved with just a bit of plucky British spirit. House burned down? Pull your socks up and piece together the ashes of your most treasured memories, for Blighty! Highly aggressive, incurable cancer? With the right application of will and drive, it is nothing more than a common cold.

“I am living proof that you don’t actually need to do anything of practical use to succeed – with enough pig-headed bluster there are no limits to your success!”