In his first move as Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has blocked the toilet at 10 Downing Street, according to reports.
Plumbers were called to the prestigious address this afternoon after Mr Johnson attempted to use the facilities following his first speech as PM.
“We arrived shortly after the locksmith, who had to free Boris from the toilet after he locked himself in,” plumber Perry Davis said.
“It was a chaotic scene, with excrement having clearly overflowed onto the floor, but also somehow gotten all up the walls as well.
“After assessing the blockage we ascertained that it was due to excessive paper, although it wasn’t toilet paper, it was a rolled up pad of A4 marked ‘alternative speech’ that had been jammed aggressively halfway into the U-bend.
“For some reason there was a load of hair and a sock in there too, but it’s not our job to ask questions.”
Mr Johnson denied breaking the lavatory on his first day as Prime Minister, launching a robust riposte to the accusations.
“It’s absolute piffle. Poppycock, twoddle and codswallop,” he said.
“The doubters and naysayers will say I’m incapable of operating a toilet. That I’m just some sort of enormous, demented man-baby, but I say: let’s flush away the negativity and build a better future for our country!”