In her final act as Prime Minister of Great Britain, Theresa May has failed to recoup the tenancy deposit for her time at 10 Downing Street.
“Unfortunately Mrs May left the country in such a state that it is close to uninhabitable,” a statement from the letting agency said.
“She points to some of the good things she did before she left, but ultimately, when everything is on fire and covered in shit, they don’t really make much of a difference on the balance of things.
“All the neighbours complained about her behaviour, so frankly we’re glad to be rid of her, but I’m afraid we simply can’t justify returning her deposit.
“Hopefully the next occupant will be better.”
Mrs May defended her record at Number 10, saying that the reputation she has been given is not reflective of her true personality.
“I was a red, white and blue tenant,” she said.
“Some of the criticism aimed at me has been unfair, but one thing is for certain – I have been a better tenant than Jeremy Corbyn would ever be, the marrow shagging communist.
“No deposit is better than a bad deposit.”