Home Politics Relief as ‘posh wanker’ not on Jacob Rees-Mogg’s list of banned phrases

Relief as ‘posh wanker’ not on Jacob Rees-Mogg’s list of banned phrases

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After Jacob Rees-Mogg issued a style guide, banning the use of certain words and phrases, his Westminster staff have expressed relief that their favourite phrases are not featured on the list.

Among the words and phrases considered unacceptable were: “very”, “lot” and “unacceptable”, as well as “equal” – a word that Rees-Mogg staunchly refuses believe in.

“It’s difficult to avoid using most of these words in everyday conversation when you were raised in Morden and not 18th Century aristocracy,” one aide said.

“Luckily our most used phrases aren’t on the list, such as: posh wanker, snooty prick or plum-mouthed weasel.

“His insistence on using imperial measurements does seem strange, however, since he can’t seem to get the right inch measurement for any of his suit jackets, but perhaps it’s part of his learning process.” 

Other instructions in Mr Rees-Mogg’s document include checking your work, never using commas after the word and, and to give all non-titled males the suffix Esq.

“How else am I supposed to know who the peasants are?” he said.