Home Politics UK ‘first in line’ for vigorous and unrelenting bumming, US confirms

UK ‘first in line’ for vigorous and unrelenting bumming, US confirms


The UK is “first in line” to get bent over and fucked into oblivion by the US, President Trump’s national security adviser has said.

John Bolton said the US supported a no-deal Brexit and added that Washington would propose an accelerated series of harsh and dry bummings in that scenario.

“We were sceptical about the degree to which we might capitalise on the UK’s weakness – until we met Dominic Raab last week,” Bolton said.

“It’s clear that not only will the UK be extremely vulnerable in the event of no-deal, but they’re also being led by total fucking morons like Raab.

“Naturally this means we can’t wait to get our hands on them and as such we invited Dominic to skip the non-existent queue so he can be brutally sodomised by the Trump administration.”

Critics have warned that the UK would have to give in to US demands in return for any preferential treatment, but Mr Raab has rejected the idea that Trump would seek to take advantage of any uncertainty.

“Such scaremongering overlooks the fact that our two great nations are truly special friends,” he said.

“Other countries would do anything for the type of close and deep bond that we share with America and their statement that we’ll be first in line for some sensual love making just goes to prove that they hold us in great regard.

“I’ve had a full body wax from the neck down especially for the occasion – I can’t wait.”