Home Lifestyle Concern as GCSE results suggest Britain is raising a generation of fuckin’...

Concern as GCSE results suggest Britain is raising a generation of fuckin’ nerds

169
0

GCSE pass-rates have increased this year despite concerns about the difficulty of exams, prompting parents to ask whether exams are getting easier or are their children just major dorks?

It is the latest evidence of an alarming trend that suggests younger generations are deciding against being totally fucking cool in favour of a more sensible lifestyle.

“It’s worrying, because all the signs seem to point to my kids being total losers,” concerned parent Terence Lightfood said.

“These days they don’t drink, they don’t smoke, they don’t take drugs – and don’t even get me started on this vegan bollocks.

“My daughter comes home at 9pm, completely sober and I simply have no way of knowing whether she’s been getting fingered in a park by some lad with a moped or doing revision with all the other little dweebs.

“I don’t want to say I’ve given up hope, but last week I saw my eldest son designing a witty placard for a climate change protest, so it’s understandably a very difficult time for our family’s reputation.”

Research suggests that the change in youth behaviour is accellerating in the social media age, leading many to ponder what the future holds for British society.

“We have seen a massive upswing in the number of children seeking help for stress and anxiety, mostly among badass bullies who can’t cope with their increased workload,” researcher Hameed O’Toole said.

“We have to ask ourselves: where are the future rock stars coming from if nobody is sniffing glue and having fights?

“If we’re not careful we could very well end up breeding a whole generation of Ed Sheerans.”