After recruiting Bake Off judge Prue Leith to help improve hospital food, Boris Johnson has turned to the cab driver from cult porn series Fake Taxi to assist the highways agency.
The latest in a series of big announcements from the government sees the anonymous driver head up a task force to improve the safety and efficiency of Britain’s roads.
“I’ll be working long and hard on this,” he said.
“We need to improve traffic flow in city centres because when Donna from Norwich has got her tits out in the backseat, the last thing you need is to get stuck in traffic.
“I will go to great lengths to help ease congestion and will be calling for a radical expansion programme to increase the number of secluded laybys by 3000%.
“We’ve already been hammering out plans to fill in a record number of potholes to prevent unnecessary damage to hidden cameras.”
Critics have suggested that such appointments are merely typical Boris bombast, designed to be good PR while offering little in the way of credible solutions to an issue, but Johnson was quick to defend his choices.
“I’m a huge admirer of his work,” Mr Johnson said.
“He’s a risk taker, works exceptionally hard and is a proven negotiator, which is exactly what this country needs.”