The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.
Three Conservative members of the Queen’s Privy Council took the request to suspend Parliament to the monarch’s Scottish residence in Balmoral, where she is enjoying some time off with other members of the Royal Family.
“My out of office is on, but the devious little cunts rang the house phone,” she said.
“I told them I’m on holiday and I couldn’t give a monkey’s what they do while I’m away, but if I didn’t sign their permission slip the grovelling bastards wouldn’t have left me alone.
“Spending the week with my great grandchildren has been tiring for a woman of my age, but having a bunch of adult babies constantly wetting themselves and trying to draw you into constitutional crises is almost enough to make one dust off the guillotine.
“Now if you’ll excuse me I’m late for my mid-afternoon gin – I’m already losing my buzz dealing with this bollocks.”
Prime Minister Boris Johnson denied that the suspension of parliament was designed to stifle the Brexit debate and force through a no-deal exit on 31st of October, even though this is exactly what his advisors have threatened to do for weeks.
“This is nothing out of the ordinary and you need only go back a few short years to 1945 – the glorious post-war era – to see a suspension of this nature and that’s exactly where our country will be headed when we leave with no deal,” Johnson said.