Home Politics John Bercow quits to set up premium rate fetish hotline

John Bercow quits to set up premium rate fetish hotline


Speaker of the House of Commons John Bercow announced he would be stepping down yesterday to focus his energy on a new venture – Bercstation.

Bercstation is a new premium rate fetish hotline hosted by the man himself in which kinky fans can request a telling off in true Bercow style.

“John has become a cult hero through his performances in the Speaker’s chair, with some particularly enjoying his reprimanding of MPs a little too much,” a source with intimate knowledge of the venture revealed.

“Frisky fans of Mr Speaker can call up and request anything from a simple ‘orderrr’ or ‘chuntering from a sedentary position’ to being personally chastised as a ‘naughty boy’.

“Followers will be able to vote by text message to decide how he reacts, so if ‘the ayes have it’ he might simply chuckle and deploy a witty riposte or go full rage mode.”

While Bercow has divided opinion with his methods of upholding the constitution, he has gained a huge following of super-fans who have reacted with delight that October 31st will not be the last they get to see of him.

“Oh yes, admonish me, Daddy!” Bercow fan Fanny Pringle said.

“I never thought I’d get the opportunity to receive a stern slap-down from the man himself – he can orderrrr me about any day.

“I’ll be getting my Black Rod out for a lengthy prorogation of my own.”