The United Kingdom has emphatically demanded five additional years of delicious pain.
Kinky voters flocked to the polls yesterday to express their desire for more harsh punishment from the same ruling party that inflicted crippling austerity and a divisive Brexit referendum on the general public.
“I’ve been such a bad boy and I need to be punished,” Conservative voter Terence Lightfoot said.
“Nothing gives me greater pleasure than serving my big blond daddy and submitting to his every whim.
“Give me the five years of unfettered suffering that I truly deserve for being such a pathetic sissy.
“I want to come out of this completely destroyed by that massive Johnson and then vote for it again in the next election.”
Prime Minister Boris Johnson was delighted to have been elected by such a large margin and thanked the electorate for getting behind his message.
“That’s Master Johnson to you,” he said.
“Nothing pleases me more than willing and obedient slaves, who will do as they are told no matter how diabolically I behave.
“I will give you the hard and uncompromising Brexit you deserve and you will fucking love it.”