In an emotional interview, Health Secretary Matt Hancock has confessed that he has technically been living with two wives after convincing the first one not to leave him, thus making her a brand new additional wife.
The controversy heaps further pressure on Hancock, who has faced criticism for backing the Conservative pledge to recruit 50,000 new nurses, despite the figure actually including thousands of existing nurses.
“I just couldn’t go on living this lie,” he said.
“It’s not fair on my first wife, who is actually also my second wife, but because she didn’t leave me she actually becomes two separate wives.
“My new wife – who is the same person as my existing wife – obviously knew about herself when we started our new marriage, but I can’t be sure that my first wife knew that I would be technically taking on another wife at the time when I was on my knees begging her to stay.
“I believe it is only right that I come clean and face the full consequences of my actions, which as a sitting Conservative MP will be precisely zero.”
We reached out to both of Mr Hancock’s wives for comment, but only one was available for comment and she tragically displayed clear signs of denial.
“I’m sorry that my husband has the mental dexterity of a dry sponge,” she said.
“I have tried to explain that one person cannot be simultaneously existing and new, but he is convinced that he’s right and therefore that means I am both his first and second wife, simply because I agreed not to divorce him.
“I may have to rethink that, then he’ll realise he has zero wives.”