Concerns are growing for the Coronavirus after it emerged that it was trapped on a cruise liner with a number of British citizens.
The disease that has so-far killed in excess of 500 people is said to be fearful that it may not survive coming into contact with the type of people who go on cruise holidays.
“I’m mutating as fast as I can, but I’m no match for some of the stuff these people are carrying,” the virus said.
“If I were to come into contact with any of the walking filth that’s been imported from the UK it would be curtains for me, so I’m just hiding out in this Chinese chef for the next few days until I can hopefully get off.
“Getting on this creaking barrel of human garbage is the biggest regret of my life cycle, so I won’t be recommending it to other airborne diseases.”
More than 2,000 passengers now face at least 12 more days confined to their cabins in what has turned a dream holiday into a living nightmare, but spirits remain high among the British contingent.
“Yes we have heard that the Coronavirus is on board and that it is actively avoiding us, but that’s the problem with foreign illnesses isn’t it? They just don’t integrate,” British passenger Fanny Pringle said.
“Anyway, with the many virulent strains of herpes simmering away in the Jacuzzi pool the other night, a mere flu virus is frankly the least of my worries right now.”