Following advice that playing golf and tennis would now be allowed under lockdown, the government has gone even further and opened up a number of additional posh activities.
Boris Johnson has been criticised for the lack of clarity and timing of his lockdown easing measures but hopes that his latest announcement will give his friends a better understanding of what is currently permitted.
“I think we have been very clear with our new lockdown messaging but a few chums have been in touch to ask about the specifics, so I want to give them a bit more information in order for them to use their good old fashioned British common sense and come to their own conclusions going forward,” he said.
“A number of the lads have been on at me asking if they’re allowed to play polo or go grouse hunting, while others have asked when they can get down to the rugger again. To which I say: tally ho!
“As far as we know horses aren’t infectious so pretty much any equine activity is A-OK in my book, but not that activity Jonty you dirty bugger!
“We will make further announcements in due course regarding any loosening of the current restrictions on japes, tomfoolery and classic banter.”
The fresh announcement has faced immediate criticism however, with many highlighting that these new measures and others such as reopening garden centres will only benefit the well-off, while working-class people are told to go back to work.
“These accusations are merely the loony left playing party politics with a global crisis,” Conservative MP Marcus Bottletop said in a stinging rebuttal.
“The reopening of golf clubs and tennis courts have been a real tonic to a number of my constituents, who have reportedly been confined to their cramped 30-acre estates for the past couple of months.
“As for those that are back at work, I’m sure they have the common sense to stay alert and not breathe in the virus when they come across it on a bus.”