Monday, January 20, 2020
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NewsLoad

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Thriving independent Britain has whip round to ring a bell

Great Britain has emphatically demonstrated its readiness to go it alone in the world, by getting the Prime Minister to ask for everyone to chip in so that we can ring a big bell.

Matt Hancock admits polygamy after convincing wife not to leave

In an emotional interview, Health Secretary Matt Hancock has confessed that he has technically been living with two wives after convincing the first one not to leave him, thus making her a brand new additional wife.

Independent inquiry into Tory Islamophobia to be led by Stanley Johnson

Boris Johnson has appointed his father Stanley to head an inquiry into Islamophobia and other forms of prejudice within the Tories.

Perverted Brits demand 5 more years of pain

The United Kingdom has emphatically demanded five additional years of delicious pain.

Andrew Neil challenges his toupee supplier to face tough questions

Broadcaster Andrew Neil has publicly criticised the man who made his hairpiece for refusing to defend his record in an interview.

Deleted scene shows John Lewis dragon skinned for designer handbag

An alternative ending to the John Lewis Christmas advert depicts the main protagonist being skinned alive to make a designer handbag, it has emerged.

Dangerous madman Corbyn unwilling to initiate nuclear holocaust

Crazed lunatic Jeremy Corbyn has once again demonstrated why he is a threat to national security, by refusing to commit to incinerating millions of civilians in a nuclear fireball.

‘This is part of my plan you fools’, says Cummings as...

Genius political strategist Dominic Cummings has revealed that trapping his penis in the fly of his trousers is simply the next phase of his master plan to leave the EU with no deal.

Johnson cuts to the chase and crashes ‘Kill Remainers’ bus into...

Boris Johnson has stepped up his war of words with opposition MPs by unveiling his latest bus to the public, featuring the catchy slogan: Kill Remainers.

John Bercow quits to set up premium rate fetish hotline

Speaker of the House of Commons John Bercow announced he would be stepping down yesterday to focus his energy on a new venture – Bercstation.
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