Sunday, August 9, 2020
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‘Brown Sauce’ to be renamed ‘White People Sauce’ following complaints

Brown Sauce manufacturers are now legally obliged to label the product ‘White People Sauce’ following backlash from ethnic minority communities.

Horrific Boris-Clarkson splicing accident to blame for Rod Liddle, scientists confirm

An experiment as part of a study into extreme bastardism ended in disaster as scientists accidentally unleashed Rod Liddle in the UK.

Internet poll decides Tommy Robinson’s new alias: Stubby McBallbag

An internet poll set up to decide Stephen Yaxley-Lennon’s new alias has concluded, with the winning name announced as ‘Stubby McBallbag’.

Coronation Chicken ‘treasonous’

Coronation Chicken has been ruled treasonous by the Queen.

Richard Branson firing himself into space not as good as it...

Following Sir Richard Branson's claim that he could be launched into space within months on a Virgin Galactic flight, experts have warned that the public should not get their hopes up and that he would likely return to earth.

Chris Grayling’s cleaner wearily resumes daily routine of removing excrement from...

A cleaner employed by Chris Grayling has begun the process of removing human faeces from the sink for the 500th consecutive day.

Driverless Uber still somehow manages to sexually assault passenger

A driverless taxi being tested by Uber has hit a snag in development after a test passenger filed a sexual assault complaint.

Rugby lads crank up homoerotic activity ahead of Six Nations final

Very-much-straight rugby lads across the United Kingdom have increased their homoerotic activity in the build up to the Six Nations final.

Moonie sightings at lowest level since records began

Researchers have claimed that there were only six confirmed moonies spotted in the wild last year.

Fold-up bike sitting there all smug like it’s clever

A collapsible, fold-up bicycle is quietly mocking you because it feels intellectually superior.