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Chancellor Sajid Javid has declared the government has "turned the page on austerity" and managed to get through his speech without pissing himself with laughter.
A group of Inter Milan fans claim Cagliari supporters were showing Romelu Lukaku a form of "respect" when they set fire to a giant crucifix behind the goal.
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has intervened in the heated Brexit debate, making a really helpful speech that has totally calmed everyone down.
The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.
A British holidaymaker, who has gotten into difficulties out at sea, has initiated negotiations to strike a deal with the local great white sharks.
After recruiting Bake Off judge Prue Leith to help improve hospital food, Boris Johnson has turned to the cab driver from cult porn series Fake Taxi to assist the highways agency.
GCSE pass-rates have increased this year despite concerns about the difficulty of exams, prompting parents to ask whether exams are getting easier or are their children just major dorks?
US President Donald Trump is under the impression that people will be disappointed if he cancels a meeting, it has emerged.
After successfully launching a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of knife crime by adding warnings to takeaway chicken boxes, the government has expanded the scheme to include all Reggae Reggae Sauce packaging.
The UK is "first in line" to get bent over and fucked into oblivion by the US, President Trump's national security adviser has said.