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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has broken his silence regarding a letter from Alastair Campbell, which outlined why he will not return to the party, admitting that he had spent the past 12 hours wanking over it.
After Jacob Rees-Mogg issued a style guide, banning the use of certain words and phrases, his staff have expressed relief that their favourite phrases are not featured on the list.
After been captured on CCTV singlehandedly fending off two men with knives, Sead Kolašinac has admitted that he would be unable to do the same against Troy Deeney.
In her final act as Prime Minister of Great Britain, Theresa May has failed to recoup the tenancy deposit for her time at 10 Downing Street.
Boris Johnson has praised British entrepreneurs Wallace and Gromit for being the first men on the moon, some 30 years ago, and held them up as an example of Britain making a success on its own.
A person you have never heard of and wouldn’t remotely recognise if you saw them has been appointed leader of the Liberal Democrats.
Irish terrorists have welcomed Boris Johnson’s rallying cry for a can-do spirit when it comes to the Irish border and insist they will now be approaching the impending carnage with a positive mental attitude.
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