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Following advice that playing golf and tennis would now be allowed under lockdown, the government has gone even further and opened up a number of additional posh activities.
Acting Prime Minister Dominic Raab says he is getting down to the serious job of running the country by diligently pressing buttons on what he believes are the controls to the United Kingdom.
Number 10 responds to the press lobby walkout.
Great Britain has emphatically demonstrated its readiness to go it alone in the world, by getting the Prime Minister to ask for everyone to chip in so that we can ring a big bell.
Broadcaster Andrew Neil has publicly criticised the man who made his hairpiece for refusing to defend his record in an interview.
Crazed lunatic Jeremy Corbyn has once again demonstrated why he is a threat to national security, by refusing to commit to incinerating millions of civilians in a nuclear fireball.
Genius political strategist Dominic Cummings has revealed that trapping his penis in the fly of his trousers is simply the next phase of his master plan to leave the EU with no deal.
Boris Johnson has stepped up his war of words with opposition MPs by unveiling his latest bus to the public, featuring the catchy slogan: Kill Remainers.
Chancellor Sajid Javid has declared the government has "turned the page on austerity" and managed to get through his speech without pissing himself with laughter.