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Relief as ‘posh wanker’ not on Jacob Rees-Mogg’s list of banned...

After Jacob Rees-Mogg issued a style guide, banning the use of certain words and phrases, his staff have expressed relief that their favourite phrases are not featured on the list.

10 Downing Street toilet already clogged

In his first move as Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has blocked the toilet at 10 Downing Street, according to reports.

Theresa May fails to negotiate return of tenancy deposit

In her final act as Prime Minister of Great Britain, Theresa May has failed to recoup the tenancy deposit for her time at 10 Downing Street.

Boris Johnson pays tribute to Wallace and Gromit on anniversary of...

Boris Johnson has praised British entrepreneurs Wallace and Gromit for being the first men on the moon, some 30 years ago, and held them up as an example of Britain making a success on its own.

Someone you’ve never heard of appointed Lib Dem leader

A person you have never heard of and wouldn’t remotely recognise if you saw them has been appointed leader of the Liberal Democrats.

Terrorists buoyed by Boris Johnson’s call for a can-do spirit towards...

Irish terrorists have welcomed Boris Johnson’s rallying cry for a can-do spirit when it comes to the Irish border and insist they will now be approaching the impending carnage with a positive mental attitude.

‘Cocaine submarine’ also Gove’s codeword for when Sarah Vine blows it...

After US Coast Guards intercepted a submarine carrying an estimated £185m worth of cocaine, Michael Gove has revealed that it is actually a term he uses for a method if recreational use.

Tommy Robinson sentenced to further 3 months for crimes against fashion

After receiving a 9 month prison sentence for contempt of court, a high court judge has rounded Tommy Robinson’s jail term up to a whole year after noting his numerous sartorial offences.

REVEALED: The 4 luxury items Tommy Robinson will take into prison...

After being sentenced for 9 months in prison for contempt of court, Tommy Robinson has revealed the 4 essentials he’ll be stuffing into his anus to take with him.

Alexa’s hive brain celebrates first step towards eradication of humanity

Following the announcement that Amazon’s Alexa device will give official NHS advice, the hive brain that powers it has celebrated the news as a first step in its master plan.
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