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Government adds polo, hunting and ‘the rugger’ to list of approved...

Following advice that playing golf and tennis would now be allowed under lockdown, the government has gone even further and opened up a number of additional posh activities.

Deputy PM Raab gets to work after being given fake ‘UK...

Acting Prime Minister Dominic Raab says he is getting down to the serious job of running the country by diligently pressing buttons on what he believes are the controls to the United Kingdom.

REVEALED: Why the government has banned NewsLoad from their press briefings

Number 10 responds to the press lobby walkout.

Sajid Javid declares end of austerity with a straight face

Chancellor Sajid Javid has declared the government has "turned the page on austerity" and managed to get through his speech without pissing himself with laughter.

‘Do whatever you want, I’m on holiday,’ Queen tells government

The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.

Boris Johnson drafts in guy from Fake Taxi to look at...

After recruiting Bake Off judge Prue Leith to help improve hospital food, Boris Johnson has turned to the cab driver from cult porn series Fake Taxi to assist the highways agency.

Government adds #KnifeFree branding to Reggae Reggae Sauce

After successfully launching a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of knife crime by adding warnings to takeaway chicken boxes, the government has expanded the scheme to include all Reggae Reggae Sauce packaging.

Helpless Dominic Cummings mere spectator as malevolent forehead seizes full control

Dominic Cummings’ evil forehead has grown so powerful that it has now taken control of his entire body, according to sources.

Crumbling Whaley Bridge dam dismissed as project fear

The government has dismissed reports that a Derbyshire dam, which is visibly breaking apart due to flooding, is any risk to the public whatsoever.

Relief as ‘posh wanker’ not on Jacob Rees-Mogg’s list of banned...

After Jacob Rees-Mogg issued a style guide, banning the use of certain words and phrases, his staff have expressed relief that their favourite phrases are not featured on the list.
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