Monday, July 13, 2020
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‘Do whatever you want, I’m on holiday,’ Queen tells government

The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.

UK ‘first in line’ for vigorous and unrelenting bumming, US confirms

The UK is "first in line" to get bent over and fucked into oblivion by the US, President Trump's national security adviser has said.

Helpless Dominic Cummings mere spectator as malevolent forehead seizes full control

Dominic Cummings’ evil forehead has grown so powerful that it has now taken control of his entire body, according to sources.

10 Downing Street toilet already clogged

In his first move as Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has blocked the toilet at 10 Downing Street, according to reports.

Boris Johnson pays tribute to Wallace and Gromit on anniversary of...

Boris Johnson has praised British entrepreneurs Wallace and Gromit for being the first men on the moon, some 30 years ago, and held them up as an example of Britain making a success on its own.

Terrorists buoyed by Boris Johnson’s call for a can-do spirit towards...

Irish terrorists have welcomed Boris Johnson’s rallying cry for a can-do spirit when it comes to the Irish border and insist they will now be approaching the impending carnage with a positive mental attitude.
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