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The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.
The UK is "first in line" to get bent over and fucked into oblivion by the US, President Trump's national security adviser has said.
Dominic Cummings’ evil forehead has grown so powerful that it has now taken control of his entire body, according to sources.
Boris Johnson has praised British entrepreneurs Wallace and Gromit for being the first men on the moon, some 30 years ago, and held them up as an example of Britain making a success on its own.
Irish terrorists have welcomed Boris Johnson’s rallying cry for a can-do spirit when it comes to the Irish border and insist they will now be approaching the impending carnage with a positive mental attitude.