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Acting Prime Minister Dominic Raab says he is getting down to the serious job of running the country by diligently pressing buttons on what he believes are the controls to the United Kingdom.
Daisy the cow has used her acceptance speech at the Golden Udders Awards to highlight the cruel practices of the film industry.
Number 10 responds to the press lobby walkout.
In an emotional interview, Health Secretary Matt Hancock has confessed that he has technically been living with two wives after convincing the first one not to leave him, thus making her a brand new additional wife.
Broadcaster Andrew Neil has publicly criticised the man who made his hairpiece for refusing to defend his record in an interview.
Crazed lunatic Jeremy Corbyn has once again demonstrated why he is a threat to national security, by refusing to commit to incinerating millions of civilians in a nuclear fireball.
Genius political strategist Dominic Cummings has revealed that trapping his penis in the fly of his trousers is simply the next phase of his master plan to leave the EU with no deal.
Chancellor Sajid Javid has declared the government has "turned the page on austerity" and managed to get through his speech without pissing himself with laughter.
A British holidaymaker, who has gotten into difficulties out at sea, has initiated negotiations to strike a deal with the local great white sharks.