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In an emotional interview, Health Secretary Matt Hancock has confessed that he has technically been living with two wives after convincing the first one not to leave him, thus making her a brand new additional wife.
Broadcaster Andrew Neil has publicly criticised the man who made his hairpiece for refusing to defend his record in an interview.
Crazed lunatic Jeremy Corbyn has once again demonstrated why he is a threat to national security, by refusing to commit to incinerating millions of civilians in a nuclear fireball.
Genius political strategist Dominic Cummings has revealed that trapping his penis in the fly of his trousers is simply the next phase of his master plan to leave the EU with no deal.
Chancellor Sajid Javid has declared the government has "turned the page on austerity" and managed to get through his speech without pissing himself with laughter.
A British holidaymaker, who has gotten into difficulties out at sea, has initiated negotiations to strike a deal with the local great white sharks.
Dominic Cummings’ evil forehead has grown so powerful that it has now taken control of his entire body, according to sources.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has broken his silence regarding a letter from Alastair Campbell, which outlined why he will not return to the party, admitting that he had spent the past 12 hours wanking over it.