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‘Do whatever you want, I’m on holiday,’ Queen tells government

The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.

Stricken swimmer tells circling sharks that limbs are ‘off the table’

A British holidaymaker, who has gotten into difficulties out at sea, has initiated negotiations to strike a deal with the local great white sharks.

Boris Johnson drafts in guy from Fake Taxi to look at...

After recruiting Bake Off judge Prue Leith to help improve hospital food, Boris Johnson has turned to the cab driver from cult porn series Fake Taxi to assist the highways agency.

Concern as GCSE results suggest Britain is raising a generation of...

GCSE pass-rates have increased this year despite concerns about the difficulty of exams, prompting parents to ask whether exams are getting easier or are their children just major dorks?

Trump thinks cancelling a meeting with him is a bad thing

US President Donald Trump is under the impression that people will be disappointed if he cancels a meeting, it has emerged.

UK ‘first in line’ for vigorous and unrelenting bumming, US confirms

The UK is "first in line" to get bent over and fucked into oblivion by the US, President Trump's national security adviser has said.

REVEALED: Jeffrey Epstein died after stabbing himself in the back 34...

A leaked coroner’s report appears to confirm that US financier Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide by stabbing himself in the back multiple times.

Tardigrades crash-landed on the moon so they don’t have to come...

A group of tardigrades that were travelling on an Israeli spacecraft that crash-landed on the moon in April are alive and well and have no intention of coming back to this god-awful planet, according to reports.

Crumbling Whaley Bridge dam dismissed as project fear

The government has dismissed reports that a Derbyshire dam, which is visibly breaking apart due to flooding, is any risk to the public whatsoever.

Labour claims moral victory in Brecon by-election

Despite seeing their share of the vote drop by 12.4% in the Brecon by-election, with the Liberal Democrats securing overall victory, The Labour Party has claimed the all-important moral victory.
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