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The Queen has approved Boris Johnson’s request to prorogue parliament, admitting she simply cannot be arsed to think about any of this while she’s on holiday.
Dominic Cummings’ evil forehead has grown so powerful that it has now taken control of his entire body, according to sources.
The government has dismissed reports that a Derbyshire dam, which is visibly breaking apart due to flooding, is any risk to the public whatsoever.
After Jacob Rees-Mogg issued a style guide, banning the use of certain words and phrases, his staff have expressed relief that their favourite phrases are not featured on the list.
In her final act as Prime Minister of Great Britain, Theresa May has failed to recoup the tenancy deposit for her time at 10 Downing Street.
Irish terrorists have welcomed Boris Johnson’s rallying cry for a can-do spirit when it comes to the Irish border and insist they will now be approaching the impending carnage with a positive mental attitude.
After US Coast Guards intercepted a submarine carrying an estimated £185m worth of cocaine, Michael Gove has revealed that it is actually a term he uses for a method if recreational use.
Following the announcement that Amazon’s Alexa device will give official NHS advice, the hive brain that powers it has celebrated the news as a first step in its master plan.