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Corbyn emerges from 12 hour tantric masturbation session clutching soggy, tattered...

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has broken his silence regarding a letter from Alastair Campbell, which outlined why he will not return to the party, admitting that he had spent the past 12 hours wanking over it.

‘Cocaine submarine’ also Gove’s codeword for when Sarah Vine blows it...

After US Coast Guards intercepted a submarine carrying an estimated £185m worth of cocaine, Michael Gove has revealed that it is actually a term he uses for a method if recreational use.

‘If you were actually a slave, you’d have been euthanised by...

Following her claim that the British people are slaves to the European Union, officials have responded by stating that if she were their slave they would have had her shot by now.

Vladimir Putin denies curling out huge turd on Theresa May’s desk...

Russian president Vladimir Putin has denied accusations that he deposited a steaming log on Theresa May’s desk during the G20 summit in Osaka.

‘How about a points-based system for choosing a Prime Minister?’ Britain...

After Boris Johnson stated his interest in a points-based immigration system, Britain has asked if perhaps we could introduce something similar for appointing the leader of the entire country.

Yellow vest protester found guilty of being a massive virgin

Self-styled “yellow vest” protester James Goddard has been found guilty of being a total virgin.

Man to be entrusted with nuclear codes can’t even delete browser...

The future Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland still does not know how to delete internet browsing history, according to reports.

Jeremy Hunt promises tax breaks for possessed mannequins

In a last ditch bid to be selected in the final two candidates for leadership of the Conservative Party, Jeremy Hunt has appealed to his base with a pledge to implement drastic tax cuts for shop mannequins that have been possessed by an evil spirit.

Boris Johnson unveils pledge to help those struggling on just £50k

In a bid to win support for his campaign to become leader of the Conservative Party, Boris Johnson has pledged a tax cut for people who are struggling to make ends meet with as little as £50,000-per-year.

Michael Gove believes he was sold real cocaine

Conservative leadership contender Michael Gove believes the substance he took at social events was actually real drugs, according to reports.
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